Thoughts on this Journey of Life; wrestling with truth, questioning God, longing for adventure, admiring beauty, working out my salvation with fear and trembling. Phil. 2:12
Monday, June 10, 2013
At the Edge of the Darkness
These past few weeks I've been feeling like I'm very close to the Dark Sea of Darkness (which phrase I will use because I am reading Andrew Peterson's fabulous books The Wingfeather Series to my 8 year old son. I highly recommend it to everyone!!!).
http://wingfeathersaga.com/?page_id=26
Allie, the talented and creative and flammable author and illustrator of "hyperbole and a half" describes depression so well, I'll just direct you to her blog.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
To use Allie's metaphor, my fish are seriously sick.
My sweet Jesus is giving me direction, and I'm so glad I can see it!
Stasi Eldredge had a post on her blog titled "Intentional Rest"
http://ransomedheart.com/blogs/stasi/intentional-rest
It starts with this:
Yesterday morning, John shared this story with me: When Dallas Willard was asked by a friend, "How do I best teach people about Jesus?" Willard thought, then replied, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life."
Ouch. Yes. In the words of my dear friend Ashley Elizabeth, "Please sir, may I have another."
Then, thumbing through an old copy of "Praying God's Word," by Beth Moore, (c) 2000, I read about "Overcoming Depression." It was somehow soothing to know that this famous woman of God and beloved teacher had walked through a season of depression. She describes in in that chapter. I can see that she was suffering from what we in my circle of friends call "Post-event let-down."
God reminded me that I had walked through a season of complete dependence on Him last year. During September of 2012, my son began having seizures. They quickly progressed into 60 seconds of limp muscles, followed by an hour of recovery time during which he would barely talk. The first line of pharmaceutical defense just made these seizures happen every two hours like clockwork. After two weeks of Spiritual and medical battle, the seizures were stopped and he eventually recovered fully.
Why did this happen? The best doctors in the Southeast looking at his MRI results and various scans were only able to say, "we're not sure why these happened." I know why. I agreed to the calling to serve as the Rector for CVTD #21. Accepting the mantle of spiritual leader for this God-event completely took me out of the "base camp" placed me in the front lines of battle.
Here's another quote by John Eldgredge I have recently put on my computer's "desktop" as a daily reminder.
So, as I tip towards the edge of darkness, fighting to see light, to feel happiness, to keep wanting to be "my old self" who loves learning, and dancing in the rain, and catching fireflies, and singing loud, I'm reminded that God is the Hero of the Story, the setting is occupied territory, and my blessings are too many to count and new every morning.
AND, I must add- my wonderful husband, protector, provider, has been taking extra good care of me by always closing his laptop and waiting patiently while I try to verbally process how I'm feeling. He calls home, just to say hi. He offers to help with cooking, cleaning or schooling. Yay Mike! He's a HUGE blessing!
http://wingfeathersaga.com/?page_id=26
Allie, the talented and creative and flammable author and illustrator of "hyperbole and a half" describes depression so well, I'll just direct you to her blog.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
To use Allie's metaphor, my fish are seriously sick.
My sweet Jesus is giving me direction, and I'm so glad I can see it!
Stasi Eldredge had a post on her blog titled "Intentional Rest"
http://ransomedheart.com/blogs/stasi/intentional-rest
It starts with this:
Yesterday morning, John shared this story with me: When Dallas Willard was asked by a friend, "How do I best teach people about Jesus?" Willard thought, then replied, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life."
Ouch. Yes. In the words of my dear friend Ashley Elizabeth, "Please sir, may I have another."
Then, thumbing through an old copy of "Praying God's Word," by Beth Moore, (c) 2000, I read about "Overcoming Depression." It was somehow soothing to know that this famous woman of God and beloved teacher had walked through a season of depression. She describes in in that chapter. I can see that she was suffering from what we in my circle of friends call "Post-event let-down."
God reminded me that I had walked through a season of complete dependence on Him last year. During September of 2012, my son began having seizures. They quickly progressed into 60 seconds of limp muscles, followed by an hour of recovery time during which he would barely talk. The first line of pharmaceutical defense just made these seizures happen every two hours like clockwork. After two weeks of Spiritual and medical battle, the seizures were stopped and he eventually recovered fully.
Why did this happen? The best doctors in the Southeast looking at his MRI results and various scans were only able to say, "we're not sure why these happened." I know why. I agreed to the calling to serve as the Rector for CVTD #21. Accepting the mantle of spiritual leader for this God-event completely took me out of the "base camp" placed me in the front lines of battle.
Here's another quote by John Eldgredge I have recently put on my computer's "desktop" as a daily reminder.
This scene we’re living in is no sitcom; it’s a bloody battle. Do you know why there’s been such an assault” The enemy fears you. You are dangerous big-time. If you ever really got your heart back, lived from it with courage, you would be a huge problem to him. You would do a lot of damage … on the side of good. Remember how valiant and effective God has been in the history of the world? You are a stem of that victorious stalk.
So, as I tip towards the edge of darkness, fighting to see light, to feel happiness, to keep wanting to be "my old self" who loves learning, and dancing in the rain, and catching fireflies, and singing loud, I'm reminded that God is the Hero of the Story, the setting is occupied territory, and my blessings are too many to count and new every morning.
AND, I must add- my wonderful husband, protector, provider, has been taking extra good care of me by always closing his laptop and waiting patiently while I try to verbally process how I'm feeling. He calls home, just to say hi. He offers to help with cooking, cleaning or schooling. Yay Mike! He's a HUGE blessing!